no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have post one night stand depression
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