Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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