Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
