Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
