home. puking in laundry basket.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
