I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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