I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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