So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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