i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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