I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
