Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
