i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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