Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
