I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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