He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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