Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
