Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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