i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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