I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't put those talents on a resume
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
