how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize