Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
