someone threw a dead crab at me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize