Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
