sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
