I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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