I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
