Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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