Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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