I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
