Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
