So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
