Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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