I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
