i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
