pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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