I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
