i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
