I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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