Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
