Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
