you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
