Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
