His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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