I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
