his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
