Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
