She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
