woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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