You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
