she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize