Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
