im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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