Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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