U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
