I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You are a genius and a whore.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
