I think I am morally bankrupt
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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