They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
