her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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