He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
