ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
