I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
