Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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