So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
