I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
