For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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