I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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