Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
pray to the hookup gods
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
