Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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