Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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