At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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