I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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