I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize