): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize